The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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