If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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