i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
