where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
