quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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