I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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