This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
