If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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