I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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