He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
