At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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