Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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