His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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