Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
