so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
