Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
