oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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