It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
