I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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