Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
