craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
