dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
