My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
