I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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