Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my being single is dangerous.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
