Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
