Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
