I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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