420 ftw
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this just has baby written all over it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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