When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
