Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
