Define "chronic" masturbator.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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