Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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