Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
