This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
