i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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