Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
