Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
