Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
