um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
