So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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