A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
