I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
