Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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