I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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