Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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