saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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