Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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