Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
