It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
