I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
