You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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