Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
