I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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