Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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